either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
