Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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