the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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