I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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