You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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