I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
