I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
