i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize