I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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