I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
