dude i'm inner monologue high
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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