Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
