i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
