I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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