Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
