does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
