You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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