i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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