Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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