Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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