i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
