we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize