What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She announced her abortion via fbk
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
