I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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