Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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