My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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