i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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