Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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