Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
