There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
