I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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