Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
