like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
