i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
