you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Boobs are out for the taking
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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