I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
