he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
