u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize