I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
