sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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