Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
