He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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