Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
