i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
