He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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