she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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