Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
