Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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