she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
