On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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