after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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