can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
