If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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