Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
