I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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