he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
