Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize