Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
