That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
