Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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