He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
