i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
