why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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