im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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