awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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