if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
