He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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