i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
