thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
