So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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